Thanks for your comments about Gershwin. He put up a valiant fight, but had used up all nine lives, and I let the neurologist put him to sleep this morning when he stopped breathing on his own.
I got one last visit in yesterday, and as out of it as he was, he cocked an ear as he heard my voice, and when I laid my hands on his back, his heart rate and breathing slowed, so I know he knew it was me.
I was hoping for a few more weeks, or months, but in the end, it was all up to him, and he was so, so tired.
He was special, and loved, and Lord knows I gave him the best care I could. He was wonderfully handsome, incredibly photogenic, and reluctantly joined me on road trips across Michigan, exacting his revenge by waking me up at 5am, a good two hours earlier than usual. His last days were a blur of medicine, and monitoring, and I'm feeling guilty for the sense of relief that has washed over me along with my sadness.
It feels odd to publicly air my grief, especially over a cat...but everyone with a pet knows how strong the bond, how difficult to let go when the time comes. It was relatively quick, and that's what we wish for: to not have them suffer, or struggle, and go in peace. Which is what I got.
It's amazing what a big hole such a little animal can leave.
6 comments:
Sending you some hugs. I've had to say goodbye to a couple of very special cats over the years it is just so sad. I had one for eighteen years. He could still rumage a rattly purr even on his last day.
Thanks so much. I know this is something to expect when you own a pet, but the hole they leave is immeasurable. I guess it just takes time...
I've also had to say goodbye to some very special furry friends over the years and it is incredibly hard. They are part of the family. We lost our little grey kitty two years ago and I still look for her or think I see her once in a while.
it looks like you were able to squeeze in some smiles over the weekend. take care of yourself!
*hug* They are with us for such a short time and yet leave such a hole when they are gone.
~Regi
I'm so sorry you've had to say goodbye to your friend. I know how it hurts. I still cry when I think about my Dempsey, who I babied through seven years of diabetes, special diets, and twice daily injections. They're family. They give us so much, and it's hard to let go. Six months later, we adopted a pair of kittens who have brought laughter and exasperation back. I didn't think I could love another cat as much as I did Dempsey, but when Buttercup climbs on my lap and paws at my belly until I let her crawl under my shirt, that empty spot just fills right up.
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